Sunday, March 25, 2012

Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness Update

It's time to do a run down on the checklist of Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness. I mean, this whole thing isn't just about losing weight here, right?

First, I had my yearly "female" doctor's visit this last week. Fun stuff. I usually dread the appointment, not because it's THAT kind of physical, but because he makes me stand on his scale and then writes down the Number of Shame that appears. Not this time. His chart showed me down 30 lbs. from my last physical. Less ass for zombies to munch? Check!

Then he took my blood pressure. This number has been astronomical since I had my first child. It shot up during pregnancy, and then that kid has just kept pushing my buttons ever since. Add her sisters into the mix, and the blood pressure cuff weeps with exhaustion when the nurse finally releases me from its grip. This time, it was normal. I mean, not borderline-we'll-ignore-how-close-it-is-to-heart-attack normal, but honest to God normal. For the first time in thirteen years. The doctor had the nurse check it again. I just grinned like the Cheshire Cat. At this point, my doctor leans over and asks, "What the HELL have you been doing?" Y'all have got to know my doctor. We attend the same church and have sung in the choir together. When I first started going to him, he told me to be sure to keep my pants on when I ran into him in the pews on Sunday mornings. ANYWAY, his eyebrows shot above his hairline when he checked my vitals and lab tests. This fat, unhealthy chick is starting to get her groove back. Not collapsing into a heap when the zombies attack? Check!

I am now able to run. I kinda look like Forrest Gump doing it, but I do it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not signing up for the next marathon in my vicinity, but when Satan says, "Run 400 meters for warm up" I don't have to walk while the rest of the class blows past this sad, round, girl. I still finish huffing and puffing like ol' Big Bad, but I finish. Being able to get this butt moving when they crash through the door looking for brains? Check!

And how are we doing on the Looking Good Naked part? Well....I'm not stripping down for the neighbors any time soon (Which is good, since they're old and have round-the-clock assistance. I'd hate to be responsible for the heart failure that would ensue.), but I did wear shorts for the first time in 8 years. In PUBLIC. Real shorts, not 'walking shorts' or capris. My girls couldn't get over it, and kept commenting on how cute mama looked all afternoon. The two youngest are the best for boosting the ego. I keep them around for this purpose. They also loved the fact that we went to a friend's house to swim, and I actually got into my bathing suit and joined them. Without a t-shirt to cover up with. I enjoyed the sun and the water without fearing someone would see me and think Shamu needed to be rolled back into the pool.

So, three months in and I'm about 1/3 of the way to my goal. I still have days when I want to throw my hands up and say, "I give up! Give me a large Butterfinger Blizzard and a large steak finger basket with fries!" But even if I do, I will climb back up on this horse, because I'm riding this bad boy all the way to the end. I will not be the first one eaten in the event that we're attacked by the walking dead. WIN.

Run, Shanon! Run!

1 comment:

  1. I can only risk the chance of repeating myself: YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!


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