Sunday, April 8, 2012

Easter Memories and Today's Victory

Y'all won't believe this, but the Easters of my childhood have involved food.  Overcooked ham with brown sugar and mustard glaze, my mom's oven baked macaroni and cheese (always perfect), green beans and corn (straight from the can), rolls and the piece de resistance, lemon meringue ice box pie.  Oh my, how I loved that pie.  It seemed to take so long until it was time for lunch and there was nothing to do at my grandmother's house except stay out of the kitchen and watch King of Kings.

This was all served on my grandmother's green plastic plates, while we sat, scrunched, at the dining room table on chairs covered in plastic, smirking at each other because the overcooked ham was nothing, if not predictable.

And let's not forget the Easter baskets.  Filled full of the candy I loved.  Mom almost always got that right.

It would be safe to say that as an adult, I have tried to incorporate the traditions of my childhood into our holiday celebrations.  Minus the King of Kings.  And hopefully, the overcooked ham.  Except this year, I've been so busy taking care of my recuperating daughter and getting back on track, primally, that I didn't really think about the "special" meal Easter demanded until Saturday night about 10pm when I called my dad to see what he was doing.

And of course, he had a plan.  It was a great plan.  In fact, the best part was that he was willing to bring his plan to my house and leave me with a minimal amount of work to eat said plan.  Except for one problem.  He wanted to me to make a cake.

Oh, yes.  A cake.

After my tongue lashing from Stacey this week, I have been on the straight and narrow.  Because I am worth it.  I thought I could make this cake, a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting, without any problems.  I had the box mix in the pantry.  The cake diversion purchased while planning Brian's surprise party.  Making a cake was the least I could do to contribute to a meal that I had nearly zero part preparing.

But I got a text this morning as I was getting ready for church:  Just wanted to encourage you to stick with it - especially on a chocolate covered holiday like today!  I promise you will feel so much control and pride by skipping that cookie today!

Oh.  My.  Word.

I made a decision right then and there.  There would be NO CHOCOLATE CAKE IN THIS HOUSE TODAY.  PERIOD.  I was certainly in control what I was going to eat and serve in my own house.  I would put together a dessert, but it wouldn't be that.  Talk about feeling empowered.  I wanted to feel in control at the end of this day.  Proud.

And then after church, when Brian suggested that we pick up something to eat at Whataburger on the way home before our Easter supper, I said, "Absolutely not.  I am not having a hamburger, fries and a Dr Pepper for lunch."  You gotta know, I love Whataburger.  It's my favorite fast place to get a burger.  But there was no way in the world I was going to eat something from there today.  I was working a Goal for the Day.

So we ended up at Chili's where I know exactly what I can eat.  Which is fine because it's a salad, I love salads, and it's a good one.  When we got home, I prepared my dessert which was NOT chocolate cake.  I made Cinnamon Swirl Muffins and Paleo Banana Bread and they were good, all things considered.  (They were collapsing like crazy.  I think they were still too hot for transporting.  But no matter, they were still good.)    

So another Easter in the books, but this time, I had a major victory over my life.  I am worth it.

And I can do it.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Open Letter to Some Folks Who Mean Well

Dear Weight Watchers, Lane Bryant and the like,

Thanks for everything.  

When I got too big for my britches, for real, you were there.  Either to provide bigger britches or to help me fit into the old ones again.  I haven't always been grateful for your services, but accepted them for what they were.

But the time has come for us to part ways.  I understand, Weight Watchers, that your data and years of having a successful enterprise of aiding people lose weight supports this idea that I am still fat as a fritter and your propaganda is welcome here.  But it ain't.  I've had more success doing this "caveman diet" than I ever did eating your suggested no-fat plastic cheese and analyzing every tiny bite of something that accidentally found its way to my mouth.  You guys would not believe the hunks of meat that I eat now.  And bacon, from a real pig, not a bird.  As much as I want.  So while I appreciate what you did for me in the old days, it's best that I move on now.

Please don't send any more mailers with Jennifer Hudson on them, looking fabooboo.  With the money and resources of celebrities, there should be no reason in the world for them to struggle like I do. She could pay someone named Tiny to punch her in the face every time she ate something off her program.  Most of those people have no idea what's it like to raise a family with 4 kids, have to take those kids to dance and soccer practice, manage homework, and prepare a great, healthy dinner sometime before 9pm.  And that is just the tip of my iceberg.  But I will admit, I know nothing of the pressures of being a celebrity.  All that to say, Jennifer Hudson does not inspire me.  You guys can just consider me "data scatter" and take me off your list.  I'm a Success Story in the Making just not on your program.  

And to my friends at Lane Bryant:

You have a hard job, I'm the first to admit.  It can't possibly be easy to make big people look small.  But we can't go around naked, either, can we?  And that is where you come in.  But I don't think you're doing a good job here.  First of all, your clothes are ridiculously overpriced.  And I would almost say that there are many items that no big person should attempt to wear.  Except there they are, on display, as New Arrivals!  What in the world are you doing to us?  It's hard enough dressing yourself in something "cute" when options are so limited, but then to have the options limited even more by the inappropriateness of the selection?  Save the printing and mailing costs and remove me from your mailing list.  I'm not going to be shopping with you again.  It's not just the price or the style.  There's a bigger reason I'm leaving.  Well, actually, it's a tad bit smaller and shrinking every day.  It's me.  I'm just not gonna need you anymore.  But seriously, you've really got to do something about your offerings.  You are making women everywhere look ridiculous.  

All that said, I do want to thank you.  Both of you.  Sometimes we just don't realize how bad things are until we realize how good they could be.  


Thursday, April 5, 2012


Stacey didn't disappoint me yesterday!  She wrote a scathing-ish post on her blog, directed at me.  It definitely found its mark.  Read her advice to me here.  I could barely breathe when I got done reading that.  No one really talks to me like that.  But it's exactly what I needed (and deep down, wanted) to hear.  And I knew she would bring it.  No more pats on the head.

Stop.  Making.  Excuses.

Ummm, ok.

Between yesterday and today, I have lost 1.5 pounds.  I love seeing scale movement!  But today, I did something that I hadn't done since February 1:  I measured.

I figured I had to start somewhere.  Get those numbers back on paper and start the next step of repairing whatever damage I've done (or undone) in the last 2 months.  This is about moving forward, no matter how many steps I take backward.  Always forward.

I was surprised what the tape measure revealed.  

Although I have fallen off the wagon, gotten off track, fill-the-blank with your failure description of choice, there were still results to be seen.  From February 1 to today, I have lost 5 pounds.  It's not great, but it's something.  It's not an overall gain, and I'll take it.  But the most surprising part is that I lost some inches everywhere except one spot in that same time period.  Overall, from February 1 until today, I have lost a total of 4 inches.

Grand total results to date:
Pounds lost:  22
Inches lost:  14.25

I think Stella is getting her groove back.  And it wouldn't be possible without the support and encouragement of all y'all.  Usually, I'll lose a little weight, and then remain permanently in the ditch.   But if Shanon can do it, and is she ever, then by God, I can do it, too!

Shanon, your commitment to this is inspiring me to Press On.

I might even cook something.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Where's the Tough Love?

Good lawdy!  Shanon is rocking the casbah.  For real.  She is down 30 big ones and is under 200.  That is a huge, huge accomplishment.  Those numbers on the scale are so significant.  She deserves every zero point tenths of a pound that is gone.  She is working hard and when she screws it up, she is learning from it and doing her dead level best to move forward.  She is doing this thing.

Ummm, me?  

Well, not so much.  I haven't gained it all back.  I'm sort of maintaining at a 20 pound loss, but I'm definitely struggling.

I keep thinking I'm going to get back on track.  Then something happens.  Insert Chick-Fil-A sandwich and a large Dr Pepper here.  At Wal-Mart, I was like an alcoholic. I could not even look at the bags of Lays Kettle Chips for fear my eyes would rest on the Salt and Vinegar variety.  Then who knows what I'd do...

I've been very silent on our Facebook page and here on the blog, and it's caused me to wonder:  where's my tough love?  Where are the people who should be asking me just what the samhill I'm doing?  I've actually had nothing to report, of course, except I think that Whataburger has better Dr Pepper than most any other place.  

I need some tough love, y'all!  This is hard!  I had a disagreement with Brian.  I stood in front of the refrigerator, trying to solve that problem.  I didn't plan well for meals while he was gone and gone and gone for what seemed like forever.  Actually I didn't plan at all.  Chick-Fil-A, et. al., solved that problem.  I threw a surprise party for Brian's 40th birthday.  Potato salad and a big, beautiful cake was on that menu.  None of that cake went to waste.  (Although I do have the name of a great cake person in this area...)  I went to a conference and had alone-access to one of my favorite restaurants.  "I'll start again on Sunday,"  I told myself.  Every week.  For the last 2 months.

I have found every excuse possible.  And my whole life is a slippery slope!  Brian and I have to be working in complete conjunction because one person stepping off the mark takes the whole train with them.  For real.  We are the worst food enablers.  I clearly need some tough love.  I am frustrated with myself because I could be where Shanon is instead of where I am now.  

Hold me accountable! When I don't post weight updates, ask for them! Someone, anyone, order me to GET. BACK. ON. TRACK.  To stop wallowing in it.  I  need to report to someone.  Stacey Garnett, I think this is a job for you.  I want to do this and I know it can be done.  But I'm working with the same old me and she's been doing things this way for a while now.  Just need a gruff cheerleader.  No more free passes or sympathetic looks.  

Anyone willing to be tough on me?           

I did something today that I never allow myself to do:  I went into a "regular" store.  Like The Limited and Jones New York.  Just to see how it felt.  It kind of reminded me when I was in high school and I was sooooo flat-chested.  And I would try on the padded bras and feel sad about how good I would look if I had some boobs.  

Except this time, it didn't feel sad and pathetic.  It felt doable.    

But I think I'm gonna need to answer to someone first.