Thursday, March 8, 2012

There's No Work Like Rework!

...or, how I sabotage myself.

When I wrote last month, I was On Top of the World.  I was a Double Quarter Pounder away from a 20 pound loss.  And I lost it.  Yay 20 pound loss!  And then the cart sort of went off into the ditch.  But this is not new for me.  It's pretty much my shtick, which means I've done this sort of thing before.

Ummm, yeah.  It's a pattern.

I'd like to blame Valentine's Day, but that wouldn't be accepting responsibility for my poor decisions.  It would be like blaming the Shiner Bock brewery or the Idaho potato farmers who harvested the potatoes that Five Guys uses for their fries.  Not exactly their fault.

It's so much more fun and exciting to write when I'm being successful.  As I have been "off the course" for the last 3 weeks, I've thought to myself, very tongue-in-cheek, it's a good thing I don't have a "real addiction" to anything.  If I were a true addict?  I could see myself being in a very bad position.  Wanna know what I mean?

Last week, Brian was out of town, and I needed to go to the store.  I saw the big bag of the Salt and Vinegar Chips I love.  But I didn't get them.  Unfortunately, they now carry the "snack size" of them at the register and got 2 of those.  (I knew I was doomed if that ever happened.)  I started eating them as I walked out of the store, holding the bag in one hand, as I pushed the basket, refusing to give even one to the kids.  Then I became afraid that Joshua was going to reach his hand into the bag and get one.  As I was pushing the basket, trying to keep my son out of the chips and yet devour them myself, I realized something about myself.  I realized that if I dropped one of my chips on the Wal-Mart sidewalk, I was going to pick it up and eat it.

Yeah.  I know.

So I shoved the open bag in my purse until I could get to the truck, where I waited patiently until I had all the groceries and kids loaded in and ate the rest of that bag before we ever left the parking lot.  (At least I'm not so far gone that humiliation of self has eluded me.)

I've also been drinking Dr Pepper by the gallon.  In fact, I could go for some right now.  My dad hasn't been bringing any cakes by, and it's a good thing.  In my condition, that may well have been the end of me.  And I can't have that.

All I can say is that being successful made me lazy and complacent.  Let down my guard.  "I've lost 20 pounds.  It'll be okay to have this hamburger/piece of cake/Chick-Fil-A goodness/Shiner Bock/Dr Pepper."  And in doing so, I gained 4.5 pounds back.

But I've made progress.  I threw a brownie away the other day.  :)

Maybe you're wondering how you can help me.  Well, when you see me getting close to a milestone, remind me to stay the course.  I'll be looking for a way to reward myself or just an excuse to do what I want.  As I've reported before and Shanon has, too, it's never worth it.  Thankfully, as of this morning, I'm out of the ditch.  I'm down 20.5 pounds.  Now to move forward and press on.    


  1. I do that all the time, too... When I make progress, I feel like I'm "cured" so then I stop being vigilant about the addiction that lurks within.

  2. This is the name of the game. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, start all over again. Sometimes courage isn't doing amazing things. Sometimes it's just being brave enough to say, "I'll keep trying." I'm proud of you! This is usually where I give up and say it's never going to happen. I have a few addictions myself, and once I jump off into them, it's a done deal. I'm gone. Bringing yourself back from the brink of disaster is no small feat. You go, girl.

  3. Im so glad im not the only one!!! I love your truth! Melissa shipp


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