Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Where's the Tough Love?
Good lawdy! Shanon is rocking the casbah. For real. She is down 30 big ones and is under 200. That is a huge, huge accomplishment. Those numbers on the scale are so significant. She deserves every zero point tenths of a pound that is gone. She is working hard and when she screws it up, she is learning from it and doing her dead level best to move forward. She is doing this thing.
Well, not so much. I haven't gained it all back. I'm sort of maintaining at a 20 pound loss, but I'm definitely struggling.
I keep thinking I'm going to get back on track. Then something happens. Insert Chick-Fil-A sandwich and a large Dr Pepper here. At Wal-Mart, I was like an alcoholic. I could not even look at the bags of Lays Kettle Chips for fear my eyes would rest on the Salt and Vinegar variety. Then who knows what I'd do...
I've been very silent on our Facebook page and here on the blog, and it's caused me to wonder: where's my tough love? Where are the people who should be asking me just what the samhill I'm doing? I've actually had nothing to report, of course, except I think that Whataburger has better Dr Pepper than most any other place.
I need some tough love, y'all! This is hard! I had a disagreement with Brian. I stood in front of the refrigerator, trying to solve that problem. I didn't plan well for meals while he was gone and gone and gone for what seemed like forever. Actually I didn't plan at all. Chick-Fil-A, et. al., solved that problem. I threw a surprise party for Brian's 40th birthday. Potato salad and a big, beautiful cake was on that menu. None of that cake went to waste. (Although I do have the name of a great cake person in this area...) I went to a conference and had alone-access to one of my favorite restaurants. "I'll start again on Sunday," I told myself. Every week. For the last 2 months.
I have found every excuse possible. And my whole life is a slippery slope! Brian and I have to be working in complete conjunction because one person stepping off the mark takes the whole train with them. For real. We are the worst food enablers. I clearly need some tough love. I am frustrated with myself because I could be where Shanon is instead of where I am now.
Hold me accountable! When I don't post weight updates, ask for them! Someone, anyone, order me to GET. BACK. ON. TRACK. To stop wallowing in it. I need to report to someone. Stacey Garnett, I think this is a job for you. I want to do this and I know it can be done. But I'm working with the same old me and she's been doing things this way for a while now. Just need a gruff cheerleader. No more free passes or sympathetic looks.
Anyone willing to be tough on me?
I did something today that I never allow myself to do: I went into a "regular" store. Like The Limited and Jones New York. Just to see how it felt. It kind of reminded me when I was in high school and I was sooooo flat-chested. And I would try on the padded bras and feel sad about how good I would look if I had some boobs.
Except this time, it didn't feel sad and pathetic. It felt doable.
But I think I'm gonna need to answer to someone first.