Sunday, February 5, 2012
Eight Pounds A Week
I gotta admit. It's hard to share a blog with my sweet sister-in-law, whom I love like a real sister. Because she's like a professional writer. She feels this burning desire to write, has ideas floating around bursting forth and even has special software to help her plot stories and I....well, I write exactly how I talk and exactly how I think. I don't plan anything and I'm not that great with imagery and invoking feelings. My stuff just doesn't seem to have the same appeal. I realize we have different styles, and I don't know why I'm just feeling blah about it today, but there it is. Maybe I'm more entertaining in person? You know, when I actually tell the story and I'm being very dramatic?
This week, I lost 1 pound. Last week I lost one pound. I want to lose 8 pounds a week. This week, today, this task of losing weight is feeling so monumental. I don't know that I can "work matters to completion" if it's going to be One Pound A Week. I'm wearing my smaller clothes, but for some reason, I'm still looking in the mirror and seeing a Fat Frump. I can't explain it. Or maybe I can. I can say that I have done ZERO working out in the last 2 weeks. I bet if I were more diligent about walking and Lifting Heavy Things, the weight would be coming off faster. Maybe I wouldn't feel so overwhelmed. Maybe I'd see someone working hard to get better instead of The Frump I saw this morning.
I'm a sniveling mess today, frustrated with every stupid thing. Everything feels hard. I know I've been successful and for not working out, the pounds are still coming off. But for some reason, I feel so disappointed in myself, like I'm somehow not getting it right. Maybe I'm having to face my "big feelings" as we call them at my house, and since I don't have my cakes and hamburgers with the buns to soothe them, I'm just having to face them. I wish I could understand how when I'm being successful, I still feel like a failure... I go between wanting to be an absolute individual and making a mark to wanting to be lost in the shuffle, a part of the background, left alone.
All that to say, another pound gone.