Thursday, February 9, 2012

Open Letter to My Feet

Hey guys!

I'm not sure you know it or not, but I'm sort of doing this weight loss thing up here, and to be honest, I'm really hoping it affects you.  In fact, specifically, I'd like it to affect you to about a 10M, if that's not too much trouble.  I'm completely willing to do my part.  I've already lost about 2 sizes on my body (out of the 7 I'm working toward) and while my, ahem, boobs aren't themselves getting smaller, my "around" is.  So I don't think that you folks doing your part is too much to ask, do you?  We're only talking about 1 size, and some width.      

You guys know the kind of relationship we've had over the years.  Kind of love-hate, if you know what I mean.  As you guys grew and grew, I kind of topped out on the shoe realm.  I was relegated to ugly black orthopedic shoes with Velcro and poorly made imitations of cute shoes that made large feet supporting beautiful, tall frames look even more Sasquatch-ish.  Which seemed kind of sadly ironic, given my specific interest in shoes.  Y'all know.  You guys know what it takes to support all this lusciousness.

I want to apologize for the Vanity Boots back in 1997.  You remember those great hiking boots from Beall's that summer?  I know they didn't exactly fit, but they were so cute I had to have them.  Even though they were a bit...snug.  I think we can let bygones be bygones, right?  Forgive and forget?

It's really imperative that you catch my meaning in all this.  You're gonna have to come along here.  I know there is  a price to pay, footwise, for gaining a lot of weight, and bringing all of these Little People into the world.  I understand.  But my Littlest Person is nearly 3 and I'm working a plan that is working.  And I'm really not the sort to threaten or issue ultimatums, although imagine my raised eyebrow as I explain this next part.

I'm 5.5 pounds from a major milestone, guys.  Call it my first identified goal.  And when I reach that milestone in 2-3 weeks, I'm going to reward myself with a pair of shoes.  Cute shoes.

Very Fabulous 25 Pound Reward Shoes

And I expect them to fit.  Y'all hear me?  Because shoes are kind of the carrot here, so to speak, for this whole endeavor.  I want to be able to wear heels without dying.  (Although in full disclosure, wearing sassy, fine shoes isn't exactly primal.  Call it my 20%.)

But I'm ordering them today.  So I'll have them.  And also because they're on sale, which makes these shoes dyn-o-mite.  I'm hoping we understand each other.  You know I love you guys and I have always loved you guys!  Years and years of monthly pedicures should demonstrate that.  Oh, and my desire to shod you in something respectable.

Let me know if you have any questions.  I expect after some consideration, you'll begin to see things my way.

Thanks for your time!



  1. Very cute...I have a size 10 also. Heels always make them look smaller! Wear them with PRIDE!!

  2. Those are adorable!!! I'd never be able to handle the heel (too clumsy and heels do not get along with my back), but I love them!


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